Everything I needed to know about life was taught to me not in the school classroom, but on the school playground. For five days a week (a harbinger of the adult work schedule to come) at appointed times scheduled by The People in Charge, we kids would be released to play on hard cement perfect for skinning the knees of those who dared to run too fast.
Put a few kids together in a large, open space, and problems will be relatively few; a squabble over a toy, usually quickly resolved. Put a large number of kids in a small space, and the emotional ecosystem becomes more fragile, easily tipped by an accidental bump, a stray ball not returned fast enough. Sometimes, the infraction is just being different: smaller, with big glasses, the sneakers not the current trend. Sometimes, the infraction is just being.
Even as children, bullies have a heightened sense of those who are ripe for the picking-on. They seem to have the scent capabilities of predators in the wild; it doesn’t take them long to find their prey. I’ve seen kids get into fights that were a draw, or where one might’ve underestimated the other, but I’ve never seen a bully wounded by someone it mistook for prey. Their keen senses are unfortunately unerring.
Children learn fast: only the strong survive. They get other messages too, like every kid for themselves, become invisible and avoid trouble, be quiet or you’re next.
Kids turn into adults, and the relief of being off the school playground is short-lived. The bullies grow up too, and sometimes, they don’t grow out of the bullying. Having learned how to rise to the top of the food chain, they’re reluctant to change their ways. The person who appears to have the power, who yells the loudest, who isn’t afraid to belittle others—why should they be? There are rarely repercussions—these scary folks become part of our work lives and society. Sometimes, they even get promoted because of their bullying ways. Worse yet, others rally behind them. Afraid of becoming a target, they become the bully’s hench-people.
This is how kindness evolved from an act of generosity to, more recently, a superpower.
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